I have spent about 5 days in a row in my room, studying, with minimum human contact (msn and phone don't really count as HUMAN contact)...Yesterday at night, I started feeling quite miserable but then A.came back from her long weekend at Paris, we chatted a little, I realised how much stuff I had done during my "emprisonment" for my ...personal development-red the economist, i am continuing the reading of I married a communist, i bought it beginning of summer but until this weekend I had never gone beyond page 20 and I also started this blog-and went sleeping a biiit better.
She really enjoyed Paris, she walked a lot around, went to museums and galleries, took some artistic fotos...I'm jealous now, I regret not going with her at Paris, now I'll probably have to go alone and I hate that:( As soon as my bank account starts looking a bit better I HAVE to go somewhere: Paris, Mons, Rouen...I feel that I'm not taking advantage of the fact that I'm in the middle of Europe and I can go almost everywhere relatively cheap and quickly.But then I remind myslef that I have already done my erasmus year where I did all the travelling etc and now it's time to study!
Today it's the same old routine:coffee, internet, paper on minorities, project on MDGs, courses n the evening..but then there is the surpsise birthday party for G.!Still haven't found a gift though...
Talked to N.earlier on msn and I really miss him...I don't know where this "relationship" will end up, we'll probably break up in a few months maximum because of the distance, but it's such a pity.I feel it could have worked out if we lived in the same city and not in different continents.And it's not just the distance,there is also the uncertainty of when we will ever be inthe same zip code...I mean I don't plan on moving to Tunisia for all my life and I don't really think he likes the idea of coming to Europe...
Next question is ofcourse: why did I get in this situation since I could predict those problems.I don't know. He is so sweet and romantic and the days we spent in Greece were so great and then the week in Tunisia...wow!In the beginning it was just a summer love but then we talked a lot on the phone and on msn and we missed each other and he's so innocent, it's impossible for me to tell him that distance,especially in this case, can't work inthe longterm.
I'm surprised we even got that far, I imagined that we would have lost contact maximum one week after he left Greece!And yet here we are, beginning of December, talking daily,exchanging "i miss u"and "i love u". In short, when we kissed on the grass that night, I thought it was something simple, no further commitments, no long distance relationships-despite the fact that i liked him a lot, I was drooling for him since the day I met him...And now I just can't explain to him that I can't continue...not because I don't have feelings for him but because it doesn't seem likely at all that we'll ever manage to really be together.And I don't want a relationship where you see the other person every 3 months for a week or something and then everyone goes back home and you talk on the phone or on skype...And in our case, I don't think that I'll see him in 3 months, not even close, try summer at best!Impossible.
But how do you explain that to a 21 year old muslim who says he's in love for the first time?How do you break his heart?
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