So.
Lisbon was great. Magnifique. I felt in love with the city. Then again, I also loved
Brussels and the
Hague. Hell, I even like
Geneva.
What I have been doing also the last twelve months is pretty awesome. I finished law school, God knows how much I was afraid I would never ever end. I did my masters on human rights in Strasbourg, so I got to go back to France, which is something I was thinking since my erasmus year. And now I am doing an internship at the OHCHR-if someone told me even lastOctober that I would get this internship, I would laugh. No way that they will take poor old me I would think. But they did and now I am there every day, from 9 to 6.I have also travelled quite a lot: Tunisia, Strasbourg, Geneva, the Hague, Brussels, Lisbon, Spain, all in the last 10 months. I have met hundreds of people from all over the world. I have been living alone, meaning far from my family(nothing wrong with them, just as some point you want to leave home).I am going three times a week to my aqua gym class right after work and my body has improved a lot lately, it starts to good really good I think. I even ride a bike and go for brunch on Saturdays.
Everyone who knows me even a little bit, knows that this is pretty much the image that I had until very recently about how I would like my life to be. OK, for the image to be perfect, I would also throw in a mac notebook. But even without the mac notebook, I should be happy, satisified. At least more satisfied than I am right now.What I am missing??
What is good about spending a lot of time alone is that you have the chance to think. A lot. And deep.
I miss sharing all this with someone. Not necessarily bf, although at this point(8 months with no sex, kissing, hugging, no sexual activity of any kind, except the one going on inmy dreams)it wouldnt be too bad. I miss also sharing all that with good friends, my friends in Greece that Iknow for years and who are not going to go back home in a few months. Because the other interns here are really great, so were the guys at Stras, but we just spent a few months together. Until we got to know each other, it was time to split...
I miss my family. My parents, my brother, my grandmoter, my oncles, my cousins. And I miss my old and fat cat soo much.
I miss the stability. Having morning coffee with my friends on Sunday inmy kitchen. Ordrinking wine and eating home made popcorn with Magda and then waking up at her place with a terrible hangover. And then going to the beach for some fresh air.
What I have understood after this year, after all this thinking and missing is that it is not important what you do, but whoyou do it with. The persons you have with you for the road. Maybe it is not such a discovery and maybe you knew it all along. Maybe I didn't reinvent the wheel. Maybe if I had asked someone they would have told me that eventually all this doesn't matter if you feel lonely. Or maybe everyone needs to go through all this on his own to discover what really matters. Maybe this year was above all about growing up. Not about studying or starting to work, but about finding my way through life.
Maybe I needed to go through all these emotions and thoughts and different situations to realise that I dont want to live outside Greece. That I love too much my family and friends. That travelling andbegin and end with a perfect CV. That travelling around and having photos to upload on facebook and show your friends does not make your life better.
Maybe I just needed to do all that so as not to look back later and have all those "what if's?". What if I had travelled more?What if I hadn't been afraid to move around Europe to study and work?What if I had left the security my bf offered me to search for someone that would thrill me?Fortunately I won't have all those what if's because I did all that. I decided that I was going to miss my friends and took off for Strasbourg. I did not get back with my ex, although he could offer me safety and calm, because I want to feel butterflies again. I was not afraid to leave Strasbourg to move once again and get a good internship.
Am I happy with my decisions?Yes. Maybe the university I chose was not the best choice I could have made, but there was no way I could have known that when I applied. And often I am frustrated with my boss here at the OHCHR. And when I think about my ex and his new gf(that he met through me) and the prospect of running into them in Athens, I feel nervous and pray that they will split up before that happens or that , better still, i will have a bf by then and I wont care for stupid things like that. But I dont regret any of those decisions. Had I not taken them, I know that inthe future I would be miserable.
The question is: where do I go from here?
And another, less philosophical question: do I try dating this guy that I think he likes me and may ask me out soon?I am not sure what are his intentions, but he has been quite flirty lately through sms(lots of travelling for both of us and we havent been able to meet in person a lot during the last few weeks). I have never thought of him as a bf, but I definately like him: he is funny, kind, sweet, extroverted, intelligent, a great friend to sum up. And I definately need to cheer up a bit, even for a few weeks. And if it doesnt work out, no big deal. It's not the first time I am actually starting to get used to it:)
So...
To date or not to date?
